The Silver Screen Kid

Remake Alert! - Poltergeist (2011)

2009-06-03T17:42:00.000-07:00

No stars attached, no final script, nothing considered remotely solid to report on... but there you have it. You better believe Poltergeist (1982) is getting remade - most likely into a shitty CG cookie cutter of a haunted house movie. The original is one of my all time favs. It's the kind of movie that has horror movie charm oozing out of every orifice. It's a perfect example of the remake epidemic - a classic that will most likely sell well repackaged for the modern market. But at what cost??? Sully the franchises name in hopes of a quick buck? Do your thang Hollywood! Do your thang.

Check out the script review for an outdated version of the script on Latino Reviews (WTF? why?)

More 3-D Horror!

2009-06-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

I love 3-D movies... I especially love 3-D horror. Japanese 3-D horror??? Can't say I've ever seen one. Could be fuckin rad!!!

Taken from Screen Daily:

Asmik Ace Entertainment has unveiled details of Japan’s first live-action digital 3D feature, The Shock Labyrinth, which The Grudge director Takashi Shimizu started shooting earlier this week.

Based on an original screenplay by Daisuke Hosaka, the horror-thriller follows a group of teenagers dealing with the sudden return of a friend who went missing a decade ago. When the friend falls ill, they take her to a hospital but end up trapped in a labyrinthine haunted house.

The film’s central setting is inspired by the Labyrinth of Horrors attraction at Fuji-Q High Land amusement park, near the base of Mount Fuji. The attraction set the Guinness world record for the largest haunted house in the world. Much of the film is being shot on location during the park’s off hours.

A 3-D, Japanese horror movie filmed in a haunted house? I'll prepare my brain for meltdown. Can't wait!

Remake Alert! - Jekyll and Hyde (2010)

2009-05-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

Watch out! 50 Cent is about to take the horror remake world by storm! He's bringing the same talent and craftsmanship (sarcasm implied) that he brings to his to his music to the big screen. Forrest Whittaker is also attached to the project, due in 2010. How do I know this remake is going to blow goats? I read between the lines:

"Director Abel Ferrara is taking another walk on the wild side with a re-imagining of Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which will be contemporized and titled Jekyll and Hyde. Forest Whitaker and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson are attached to play the lead roles in the classic tale about a doctor who invents a potion that unleashes his violent alter ego." (Variety)

"Contemporized" is never a good word to describe a remake. Usually it means they include scenes with cell phones and email. In this case, I imagine they'll transpose the story to an "urban" setting - aka The Ghetto. In any case, I can't imagine 50 Cent offering up even a fraction of the physical expressiveness necessary to pull off the switch between personalities integral to the plot. And who's going to play which part, I wonder? 50 Cent as a mad scientist??? Doubtful. They'll probably make him Hyde. Either way it's gonna blow goats. Trust me, I know these things. I'm from the internet.

The Wild, Ridiculous World of 3D

2009-04-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

I LOVE 3-D! I'm fairly certain I've mentioned that in the past. Seeing as I haven't posted to this blog in half a year, though, I thought it was worth mentioning again. The current 3-D craze in movie theaters is already reaching a fever pitch. Everyone seems to be getting in on the action. That means there's some beautiful examples of 3-D being made these days - as well as some utter shite. And every ridiculous iteration in between. I compiled a short list of the most ridiculous sounding 3-D movies headed for theater and video. (And I mean ridiculous - even worse than Night of the Living Dead 3-D!)

Bait - In a sleepy coastal resort community, shoppers at an underground supermarket find themselves terrorized by a crazed bandit when the unimaginable occurs… A monstrous freak tsunami swallows the town. Now trapped inside a flooded supermarket with an armed maniac and rushing water threatening to entomb them all in a watery grave, the imprisoned band of survivors discover they’re not alone. The tsunami has brought some unwanted visitors from the depths. As the waters rise they must overcome not only the threat of drowning, but another threat, just as deadly and far more bloodthirsty… Packs of hungry tiger sharks.
pulled from Twitch

Humpty Dumpty - When an female alien is, ahem, "abused" by two rednecks, she gives birth to a human-creature hybrid that goes on a killing spree in Humpy Dumpty.
pulled from Shock Till You Drop

Piranha 3-D - They’re back! Every year the population of sleepy Lake Havasu explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for a single, wild weekend - the 4th of July, a riot of sun, drunken fun and sex-crazed mayhem. But this year, there's something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers. Havasu sits in the crater formed by a prehistoric volcanic eruption, and when earth tremors tear open a crack in the lake floor, all hell breaks through. Piranhas - a million ravenous, razor-toothed monsters, unchanged since the dawn of time. Unstoppable killing machines acting blindly under one primeval impulse: to hunt down anything that moves and strip it to the raw, bleeding bone. In seconds.
pulled from Bloody Disgusting (nothing interesting behind this link)
Be an extra in Piranha 3-D!

Packs of hungry tiger sharks terrorizing a supermarket? 3-D alien rape? A remake of Piranha directed by Alexandre Aja? Endless fun can be had at the expense of these movies. Join me in a laugh. A hefty 3-D belly laugh.

FUCK A DAY JOB!

2008-12-15T13:22:00.001-08:00

I should be writing...

Remake Alert!: Fuck Remakes. Boycott!

2008-08-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

When I started writing about remakes on this blog I held a complicated opinion regarding the recent trend of Hollywood remakes. To put it simply - I was on the fence. I could appreciate some remakes, I've enjoyed some, not enjoyed others, and some are just insulting. Now, more than ever, it seems there isn't a single working filmmaker who would be opposed to a big budget remake.

My opinion was recently simplified by reading an editorial piece on CineRobot, a blog I've enjoyed for quite some time now. Replicant, the cyber-brain behind the scenes at CineRobot, wrote an article deriding the upcoming movie Death Race. It just so happens I had already written two articles to that same effect. Death Race is, of course, a remake of Death Race 2000. The comparison between the names alone leaves much to be desired from the remake. Some executive said to himself: "How can we make our worthless piece-of-shit movie sound like a watered-down rehash of a classic campy sci-fi murder romp? Let's take 2000 out of the title. That'll really give them less to be excited about."

The original already took place in an alternate timeline!!! Why didn't they just stick with that? Why not go the route of "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...."??? Dumb asses.

Here's a sample of the insight that finally pushed me over the edge: [from CineRobot]

Remakes have always been apart of Hollywood history but there is a big difference in remaking a film from the 1970s now versus when a film from the 1930s was remade in the 1950s or 1960s. Now, we can all rent the original films on DVD anytime we want, unlike audiences in the past who had to rise up off the couch and venture down to the single screen theatre to see whatever they wanted to see. Those were the days pre-IMDB, pre-video store, pre-Netflix, pre-video on demand, pre-dozens of movie channels on your TV. Remakes in that era made perfect sense because every twenty five years or so audiences were completely recycled for stories.

Too true! I have endless swathes of information at my fingertips all the time. There is no excuse anymore for not knowing that a movie is a remake. There is no excuse for trying to market such a movie as anything but a remake. There is no excuse for the complete lack of originality on display in Hollywood today.

Please join CineRobot and myself in saying....

FUCK REMAKES. BOYCOTT!

Fuck you Hollywood. Come and get me.

The Wasp Woman (1959) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

To read the full version on Analog Medium, click here.

... There must have been a lot of groans when The Wasp Woman was completed in 1959, especially since it followed closely on the heels of The Fly, from 1958. ... Looking back on The Wasp Woman, there is endless entertainment to be had. ... More than any of that, while watching The Wasp Woman I was struck by the fundamental difference between the standard cash-generating flicks made today and what Roger Corman and his team (including Jack Hill, who directed the prologue) were doing back then. ... The Wasp Woman has more story to it than 90% of the films made today. ... I'm not saying that The Wasp Woman is necessarily a better movie than the low budget crap that gets spit out today. I just felt a lot less insulted by it.

The Bird Cage (1972) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T17:27:00.000-07:00

To read the full version on Analog Medium, click here.

The Big Bird Cage is a lovely movie all around. ... The Big Bird Cage is a damn entertaining movie. ... The action starts quick in The Big Bird Cage. ... Basically, The Big Bird Cage hits like you wanna be hit, and doesn't bullshit.

The Big Doll House (1971) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

To read the full version on Analog Medium, click here.

... Before Caged Heat, before Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS, there was The Big Doll House. ... So why does The Big Doll House, and its sequel The Big Bird Cage, pwn the competition so fiercely? ... Even people who haven't seen [Pam Grier's] movies (The Big Doll House was the first) are well acquainted with her style, her ethos, her attitude. ... The Big Doll House gives you more than what you want, from the first drum roll for the bad ass theme song sung by Pam Grier to the last explosion. ... And what I really love about The Big Doll House (and its sequel) is that it rewards you for watching to the end. ... I don't want to give the end of The Big Doll House away, I'll just give a hint: one girl, two machine guns. ...

Fear Chamber (1968) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T16:59:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

... This isn't the preferred method for making a coherent movie, whether horror, sci-fi, or otherwise, but it was the method employed for Fear Chamber. Jack Hill was hired to direct Fear Chamber, along with 3 other films that would end up being some of the last on screen appearances of Boris Karloff. ... Really, though, I'm glad Fear Chamber was eventually finished, even though the end result sometimes feels like it was edited with a butcher knife. ... The whole film is undoubtedly grimy, but it's certainly worth the watch for anyone who appreciates unique concepts in horror and science-fiction, especially when the two intersect. ...

I love 3-D!

2008-08-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

Every so often I hear more news about the impending explosion of 3-D movies. I friggin love 3-D movies. You have to submit yourself to the experience, rather than passively contemplating the flashing images on the screen. I wrote about the return of the 3-D a while ago. Here's more news from comingsoon.net

----

"While 3-D movies have been around for quite some time, Katzenberg thinks the innovative films will dominate the theaters and his team is actively going to ensure that happens.

"Just to put into context for you how big I think it is for us and for the business as a whole, I think to date there have been two great revolutions in movies. When we went to silent films to talkies and the second is when we went from black and white to color. I actually think this is as big and I think it will be as prevalent and as impactful. In some short period of time, meaning while we're all still around, movies will be in 3-D. Not some movies, movie theater experience will be a 3-D experience," he said.

The DreamWorks Animation CEO told us the studio has made an alliance with Intel and will capitalize on their industry-leading products to roll out Ultimate 3-D (animated films in 3-D from start to finish) features with Monsters vs. Aliens being their first project to hit theatres on March 27."

----

[Read the full article]

Remake Alert! - Suspiria

2008-08-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

Status of the Suspiria remake: script is done, looking for financing

Check out Dario Argento on Analog Medium

Suspiria (1977) is too epic to put into words. Dario Argento is best at the visual, the pacing, the nuance - all the stuff you can't help but see to experience. The remake will most likely be a steaming pile of dog shit. Interestingly enough, the director of Pineapple Express is attached to the project, so who knows. At least the guy understands stoners are funny.

Read the article on shocktillyoudrop

Natalie Portman is "attached" to star in the remake.

P.S. - I can't believe I haven't reviewed the original for AM!!!! I need to get on that.

Remake Alert! - The Last House on the Left (2009) and The People Under the Stairs

2008-08-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

Status for The Last House on the Left: In Post-Production! Footage available online!

Status for The People Under the Stairs: Might happen, might not

So, the screenshot above belongs to the remake of The Last House on the Left. LHL was Wes Craven's first and most brutally savage movie. Now he's hopped on the trend of selling his cinematic accomplishments to the highest bidder. Se la vie, I'm not really complaining. I'd do it too, if I had ever made a movie and anyone ever wanted to remake it. LHL has been a long time coming, apparently, but I just found out about it. It's coming out sometime next year. Still no real plans for remaking The People Under the Stairs, but Craven sure wants it to happen.

Read the article on shocktillyoudrop.com

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-08-10T16:03:00.001-07:00

My Name is Bruce will be friggin hilarious!

New Rob Zombie T-Rex Art

Werewolf Women of the SS Comic Book

Scream 4? Maybe, maybe not.

Thundercats Movie! I would love that shit.

Remake Alert! - Red Dawn

2008-08-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

Status: Script is in the works

Red Dawn (1984) is a delightfully savage movie. That sucker doesn't pull any punches. You don't need me to tell you about the original, though. It's a complete classic by now. Go Wolverines!

I have to say, I don't support the decision to remake it, but it's strangely appropriate for this day in age. People are constantly acting like Al Qaeda shock troops will suddenly start raining from the sky while they're on the way to work. We've still got our eye on you too, Cuba!

Read a (very) short article on the Red Dawn remake on comingsoon.net

ANALOG MEDIUM: Jack Hill Interview

2008-08-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

I interviewed Jack Hill for Analog Medium. The conversation will go down in history as the greatest thing ever posted on the internet. Don't believe me? Go read it!

Jack Hill Interview on ANALOG MEDIUM

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-08-02T16:17:00.000-07:00

(Worth1000.com | Photoshop Contests | Are you Worthy™ | hidden)

TRAILER: Outlander looks like it could be pretty sweet. [via Blogs are for Wusses]

TRAILER: I'm trying not to get too excited about this movie, but the Watchmen may just pwn. [via Blogs are for Wusses]

$30,000 to $50,000 for the hover board from Back to the Future. [via Fanboy.com]

Ninja Assassin. Need I say more. Oh yeah, the movie stars Rain, Stephen Colbert's arch nemesis. [via Chud.com]

I can't wait for Where the Wild Things Are. [via Chud.com]

Last Blood sounds like it has a cool concept, but the movie could easily suck. The guy who wrote this article is a serious zombie hater, though. At least he links to the comic book. [via Chud.com]

Drag Me To Hell is Saim Raimi's new horror movie. I can't fuckin' wait. [via Chud.com]

Remake Alert! - Red Sonja (2009)

2008-07-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

What a weird movie to remake! Red Sonja remake is slated for 2009. The original occupied a weird-enough space in cinema history - the remake is even more extruded. I always wondered exactly what the deal was with the original Red Sonja (1985). Was it a sequel??? Was Conan a trilogy? Here's what wikipedia has to say about that:

"In Conan the Barbarian, Sandahl Bergman played Valeria, a thief and the love of Conan’s life. Bergman was offered the role of Red Sonja, but turned it down, choosing instead to play the villainous Queen Gedren. It took Dino De Laurentiis almost a year to find an actress "Amazonian" enough to play the title character; in fact, he was still looking eight weeks before the production was due to start, when he saw Brigitte Nielsen on the cover of a fashion magazine. The 21-year-old native of Helsingør, Denmark, who was in Milan on a modeling job, soon found herself on a plane heading for Rome and a successful screen test.

Schwarzenegger had great success in the two Conan movies, but his next film, James Cameron’s The Terminator, was a real breakthrough. When De Laurentiis approached Schwarzenegger and asked him to appear in an extended cameo and take second billing in Red Sonja, the actor agreed out of a feeling of obligation. He worked on the movie for only three weeks, and was very unhappy with De Laurentiis when he discovered he had been given top billing for what was essentially a supporting role."

Now Rose McGowan will be playing the title role. Brigitte Nielsen made the original work - just like she makes Flava Flav work to get laid. I doubt Rose McGowan will be able to sell the whole Amazonian thing.

I can totally picture what Robert Rodriguez was thinking when he decided to make this movie: "Remakes are the hot new thing... I've got to jump on this bandwagon! But I still have to maintain my image as a Hollywood outsider... what movie would make NO SENSE to remake? I know! Red Sonja!"

P.S. Did you know Red Sonja started as a comic book character? So, this is both a remake and a comic book movie... way to be original Rodriguez.

Read the coverage of the Red Sonja remake on comingsoon.net

Remake Alert! - Friday the 13th (2009)

2008-07-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

You've probably already heard about this one... Friday the 13th remake is slated for February 13 (a Friday!), 2009. I say you've probably heard of it, because New Line is promoting the shit out of it. Which I guess I am now a part of. Let's see..... Jason X was the tenth movie, Freddy vs. Jason was the eleventh... this is now the TWELFTH fuckin movie that Jason has starred in since the original was made in 1980. Get this guy a star on the Hollywood walk of fame!

Shocktillyoudrop.com's coverage of the remake at SDCC 08

Remake Alert! - RETRACTION - Spider Baby (????)

2008-07-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

So, I've come to find out through various means that most of the facts listed in my remake alert for Spider Baby are completely untrue. THE REMAKE IS STILL HAPPENING. I just got some of the facts wrong. I guess I shouldn't trust Fangoria.com?

Sid Haig did not facilitate the Spider Baby remake, and has nothing to do with it.
Jack Hill will not be starring in the film. (I got this info from the man himself) But he is in The Kiss, a new vampire movie....

Spider Baby (1964) Review: The Brief Version

2008-07-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

Spider Baby is genuinely savage. The Maddest Story Ever Told (as it was once renamed) is nearly just that. ... It's a story is told in the xenophobic tradition of Freaks and clearly influenced by Psycho, but there is a whole different beast on display in Spider Baby. ... At the same time, the whole film is laced with a strain of self-conscious comedy. ... Jack Hill, the writer and director, was the original post-modern horror filmmaker. ...

Remake Alert! - Rocky Horror Picture Show (2009)

2008-07-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

Great Scott! Rocky Horror Picture Show remake??? That'll probably be stupid. How can you compete with Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, or that freak that played Riff Raff. The original is classic. Shocktillyoudrop.com said it was inevitable, but I wouldn't have expected it. How can they expect the fans to cross over? I doubt many people will be into acting out scenes in leather lingerie in front of audiences at a remake. We will see.

[Read the article]

Remake Alert! - Spider Baby (????)

2008-07-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Spider Baby Remake: Slated for 2008-ish?

Holy crap! I had just posted the first Remake Alert, I had just sat down to write an Analog Medium review for Spider Baby (1964), and lo and behold - what do I find? Spider Baby will also be remade. My gut reaction is to say it's a bad idea. The original is so unique and charming I wouldn't think they can pull it off. But then I found out it was Jack Hill's idea to begin with, it was facilitated by Sid Haig, and Jack Hill will replace Lon Chaney, Jr. in the cast. I wouldn't believe anyone else for the role of Bruno, but the original writer/director somehow feels like an appropriate choice. I can't wait to see what happens.

Check out Spider Baby (1964) on Analog Medium

INFORMATION IN THIS ARTICLE IS INCORRECT - CHECK THE RETRACTION

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-07-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

[Pic from El Blog Ausente]

Viva la Grindhouse! Everyone should know more about low budgets Italian movies.

Hell Ride looks like a pretty cool Tarantino-esque adventure. (Presented by Tarantino, naturally)

Keanu Reeves plays Klaatu in the remake of The Day Earth Stood Still. It should have been Bruce Campbell!!!

Speaking of Bruce Campbell... what's up with another Evil Dead movie? All I hear is talk.

Who knew David Lynch appreciated the creative input of others? David Lynch explains the value of mediation.

Remake Alert! - Robocop (2010)

2008-07-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

Love em or hate em, remakes have become a mainstay of the modern Hollywood repertoire (along with sequels to dead franchises and graphic novel adaptations). I'm going to make it my mission to pass the remake news along to you (just like a hundred other people on the net are doing).

Robocop Remake: Slated for 2010

I didn't know about this doozy until today. MGM has announced it will remake Robocop - the 1987 sci-fi / action classic directed by Paul Verhoeven. Robocop has been a part of my life since I was 2 years old. That original movie should have never been shown to kids, but it was, and I'm very thankful. I wouldn't be the man I am today if I hadn't seen that lovable cyborg enforcer blow shit up and kill people when I was so young. Don't fuck it up, guys!

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-07-13T15:00:00.000-07:00

(pic from El Blog Ausente)

Here's a look at a lot of stuff happening on the horizon, and right now.

I hope to make this a new series of reoccurring posts. Hopefully I can keep it up this time. Future posts will probably be shorter than this one.

Analog Medium has the scoop on the new Lost Boys movie

Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg wrote a script for a Green Hornet movie and Columbia Pictures is gung-ho going for it [comingsoon.net]

Robert Rodriguez is "presenting" a remake of Red Sonja, directed by Douglas Aarniokoski and starring Rose McGowan [comingsoon.net]

There's going to be a CG Astro Boy animated movie [comingsoon.net]

Jeff Goldblum is joining the cast of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Goldblum every week! [comingsoon.net]

Guillermo Del Toro is going to make a Frankenstein movie. I wonder if it will be like the original, or another "re-visioning" [shocktillyoudrop.com]

Check it out: some guy recreated the chase scene from Bullit on google maps - the bad ass chase through San Francisco! [via Boing Boing]

Paul W.S. Anderson says he has begun early talks with Sony about Resident Evil 4 . I bet it will be much weaker than the game. [shocktillyoudrop.com]

Lawn zombie! [via Boing Boing]

My favorite story of the whole bunch: missing reels have been found from Metropolis, Fritz Lang's visionary masterpiece from 1927. Can't wait to see the restored version! [via Boing Boing]

Check out The Big List o' Zombie Porn on Phantom Spaceman

2008-06-27T18:30:00.001-07:00

I'm very proud of my latest contribution to Phantom Spaceman, an official Analog Medium blog. It's the newest version of the Big List o' Zombie Porn! Definitely something to be proud of.

The Big List o' Zombie Porn v2.0 @ Phantom Spaceman

Also check out:

The Encyclopedia Zombica @ Analog Medium

Matt Groening Does it Again!

2008-06-25T12:39:00.000-07:00

Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (2008) Mini-Review

Futurama is the shit. Not only is it one of the best cartoons still being made, it represents some of the best science fiction on the market. Futurama is so damn fresh they couldn't stay canceled. (Fuck FOX by the way) It's one of the rare shows that gets better the more you re-watch it. The first straight-to-DVD Futurama movie, Bender's Big Score, knocked my socks off. The latest edition, The Beast with a Billion Backs, hit stores and the internet yesterday. Do yourself a favor and check this out. The Beast with a Billion Backs is pure entertainment. It has sex, drugs, aliens, robots, different dimensions, heaven, hell, war, death, action, drama, suspense, and above all: comedy. Plus David Cross. Fans of the show have a lot to geek off, and newbies can jump right in and not be lost. However you get your hands on movies, make sure you put this at the top of your must-have list. The Silver Screen Kid sez so.

Movie Sites That DONT Suck....

2008-06-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know my blog kinda sucks. Kinda really sucks. I'll try to work on that. At least, I'll try to try. In the meantime, check out some movie sites that don't suck:

Badmovies.org - A database of minutae associated with bad and obscure movies. I like this site for the painful amount of detail involved.
Bloody Blood - A cool blog with trailers that seems like it died a few months back. I like where it was headed, though. A lot of my favorite obscure gems are featured.
CineRObot - Blog by Replicant, who owns The Circle Cinema in Tulsa Oklahoma. Who knew people like Replicant can survive in Oklahoma?
Midnight Maze Cafe - A cool blog with a lot of movie obscurity and some other random stuff. Maze likes to watch the bottom-of-the-barrel type stuff - and I applaud her for that.
Movie Censorship.com - Awesome site started in Germany. Compares different releases of films to determine what's been cut where and why. Very comprehensive.

SSK Tumblr Blog

2008-05-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

A Thanksgiving Prayer by William S. Burroughs

The above video is just a small taste of what's in store for ya at the Silver Screen Kid Tumblr Blog

Join Analog Medium Or Be Destroyed

2008-05-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Check out the latest thing over at Analog Medium: the newest Death By Link.

Don't ya love it? A link to a bunch of links? What a world we live in...

Coming Attractions from Analog Medium: Quarantine (2008)

2008-05-13T23:05:00.000-07:00

Check out the Coming Attractions article I wrote about Quarantine (2008) for Analog Medium

Check out the trailer on DEATH BY VIDEO

Quarantine is a horror movie coming out on October 17, 2008. I don't the think the filmmakers or the advertisers would like to admit it, but it's a zombie movie. I can't tell if it's just the way they are marketing it, but Quarantine looks exactly like Diary of the Dead. But, in fact, it is a remake of another recent movie called REC. So many movies, so little time...

Lady Vengeance (2005) Review: The Brief Version

2008-05-13T22:49:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

Lady Vengeance... any dumb ass could guess that with a title like that, there is going to be boobs, and there is going to be blood. ... There are some fantastically portrayed, viscous female characters throughout the history of Asian cinema, and Geum-ja from Lady Vengeance is right up there with them. ... Lady Vengeance, aka Sympathy for Lady Vengeance, is the third and final installment of Park's Vengeance Trilogy. ... I've been ultimately impressed with all three parts of Park's Vengeance Trilogy (especially Oldboy). However, out of the three, I really felt like he put the strongest directorial stamp on Lady Vengeance. ...

Oldboy (2003) Review: The Brief Version

2008-05-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

I'm giving this movie, Oldboy, the Silver Screen Kid's coveted Lock-of-the-Week. You will enjoy this movie. It's a lock. ... The less you know about Oldboy going into it, the better. ... If you haven't watched Oldboy yet, don't even bother reading this review. ... Oldboy features one of the freshest, most exhilarating fight scenes in the history of cinema. ... If you don't know why he's grinning, you'll just have to watch the thing.

Super Mario Bros. (1993) Review: The Brief Version

2008-05-04T20:09:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

Super Mario Bros. is perhaps the greatest and most influential video game series ever made. ... The finished result, Super Mario Bros. released in 1993, looks nothing like the J-Pop fairy tale from the video game; more like some kind of strange cross between Land of the Lost and Solarbabies, starring two extras from a Spike Lee movie. ... Super Mario Bros. could have been such a kick ass flick! Instead, it set the standard for every shitty video game adaptation to follow (Super Mario Bros. is the first movie based directly on a video game) ... At a certain point you'll be looking at Dennis Hopper shooting lasers over the heads of giant lizard men trying to capture John Leguizamo and you won't be able to help but grab the DVD cover to make sure the movie is, in fact, named Super Mario Bros. ...

Commando (1985) Review: The Brief Version

2008-05-04T20:03:00.001-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

Commando is basically the most awesome movie ever made. ... Commando helped make an entire generation of American children and adolescents fall in love with blatantly unmotivated violence and profanity. ... Without Commando, and movies like the ones just mentioned, I wouldn't be the wonderfully disturbed person I am today. ... All I'm trying to say is this: Commando is the best action movie ever made. ... The Analog Medium team, in hopes of putting some real life numbers behind the awesomeness of this movie, did an unofficial kill count while re-watching it. 101 kills in all. ...

THE RETURN OF 3-D

2008-04-21T18:35:00.000-07:00

I love 3-D. So much. How fucking cool is it to see Jaws swimming straight at you? How kick-ass is it when you see Jason from Friday the 13th squash a kid's head, and the eyeball flies right at you? Hella fuckin kick ass! Why did it ever go away? I wish more movies were made in 3-D.....

Which is why I was extremely excited to read an article on CNN.com that talks about Disney's full commitment to push its new 3-D technology. You can read the full article by clicking here, or just check out the highlights I posted below. (The article is pretty damn long).

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"NEW YORK -- The Walt Disney Co. said Tuesday its Pixar animation studio is committing to 3-D and will release all of its movies in the format beginning with "Up" next year.

"Chief Creative Officer John Lasseter made the announcement in New York at a presentation of Disney's upcoming lineup of animated movies through 2012.

"In a deal announced last month, four studios -- Disney, News Corp.'s 20th Century Fox, Viacom Inc.'s Paramount, and Universal Pictures, which is owned by General Electric Co.'s NBC Universal -- agreed to help finance and equip 10,000 screens in the U.S. and Canada to accommodate 3-D movies.

"The conversion will cost as much as $700 million and take three years.

"Box office figures have shown that the enveloping feel of 3-D can attract two to three times more moviegoers who are willing to pay as much as $3 more per ticket, analysts said.

"Theater owners and studios hope the offerings will help bring people back to multiplexes for an experience that cannot be matched by increasingly sophisticated home theater systems."

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I love the experience of going to a theater for a good movie. We will be losing a huge cultural icon if movie theaters disappear altogether. Hopefully 3-D can work its magic once again.

Long live 3-D movies! (look at all those smiling faces)

Movie Posters I Want To Buy: Vol 3

2008-03-25T20:32:00.000-07:00

pulled from hillcity-comics.com - sorry, they don't sell posters, just post images

Mansion of the Living Dead (1985) Review: The Brief Version

2008-03-16T19:24:00.001-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

...I bet you found this review either a) by searching for zombie porn; or b) by searching for Mansion of the Living Dead by name. ...Mansion of the Living Dead consists of 80 minutes of softcore lesbian groping, 10 minutes of zombie on lesbian gang bang, and about 7 minutes that I would actually consider horror. ...You don't need to stoop to the level of Mansion of the Living Dead. ...

Hood of the Living Dead (2005) Review: The Brief Version

2008-03-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

... Within a split second of the outset, I could tell Hood of the Living Dead is a student-quality production. ...Movies like Hood of the Living Dead (abysmally shoddy and worthless amateur flicks) leave an unsavory taste in the mouth of all who are subjected to them. ...Still, Hood of the Living Dead made me want to rip my own eyes out just to escape the boredom. ...My first tip for anyone who wants to try[making a movie for no budget]: don't call your movie Hood of the Living Dead. ...

City of Rott (2006) Review: The Brief Version

2008-03-05T18:43:00.000-08:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

...An associate of AM found City of Rott on the discount clearance rack of the local Hollywood Video, and made the purchase in our honor. ...City of Rott is an animated zombie feature with a style similar to early South Park (but done a lot cleaner). ...Like I said, the first half of City of Rott was thoroughly enjoyable. ...His singular hand in creating City of Rott was hammered into my head by the excruciatingly long credit sequence that names Frank Sudol for every job there could be on a film.

Movie Posters I Want To Buy: Vol 2

2008-03-02T21:02:00.000-08:00

WOWZA! : links to make you scream wowza!

2008-02-29T14:20:00.000-08:00

I was looking for info about a movie I watched last night when I found this:

http://thecityofrot.com/

I don't know how to explain this site. Here's a quote:

"The raped childbearing colored the ground with their broken hymens, as the ones with able legs splashed a crimson song. Ugly children mocked me from behind shattered windows. The cemetery lied empty for it lacked shovels; its jagged bones, stolen and scattered, ripped the tender flesh of my feet."

Wowza!

Hell of the Living Dead (1980) Review: The Brief Version

2008-02-28T10:27:00.000-08:00

To check out the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

...Hell of the Living Dead, or Virus, or whatever this movie is called (it's one of the most alternatively titled movies of all time), is widely regarded as one of the worst movies of all time. ...There were some genuinely cool moments in Hell/Virus/Night. ...Bruno Mattei made Hell/Virus/Night just after Dawn of the Dead was released in Italy, and the zombie craze was at a fever pitch. ...Hell of the Living Dead is the road kill on the side of the great zombie highway.

Movie Posters I Want To Buy: Vol 1

2008-02-28T06:00:00.000-08:00

Out of the Abyss - Zombie music video with band Judgement Day!

2007-12-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know this blog is lame and I never post to it, but you should forgive me. I work hard. I've been writing a lot for Analog Medium and making this sweet zombie music video. So if you don't enjoy my site, at least enjoy the vid. Cheers!

San Francisco Zombie Mob Attacks Mayoral Debate! - October 11, 2007

2007-10-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

The footage contained below is both shocking and terrifying, morbid and macabre. A serious threat to our nation's security has taken the form that everyone has feared for so long.......

ZOMBIES!!!!!1!!

The Kid himself was absorbed into the zombie horde. For anyone who cares to look, check out 3:05 and look for the handsome tallish gentleman with a black shirt and one arm. You'll be looking at a new breed of human: the Analog Zombie.

The Vault of Horror (1973)

2007-10-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Everything that makes life worth leaving!

As a kid I always loved the old school Tales From The Crypt movie. I'm talking OLD school. Before the Crypt Keeper. The one they made 1972. It was ripped straight from the comic book. It's probably the best horror anthology ever made. That's why I was so stoked to see that there was a sequel. I've never seen The Vault of Horror, but you better believe I bumped that to the top of my Netflix queue. Stay tuned to the SSK's little corner of the blog-o-sphere for more on this bad boy. I might just have to review it for Analog Medium, along with its predecessor.

Place in Netflix queue at press time: Shipping Today!

Party Monster (2003)

2007-10-09T11:36:00.000-07:00

good. evil. fun.

I was just saying to a co-worker that the only thing Seth Green has ever done that I liked is Robot Chicken. My co-worker countered with Party Monster. I haven't seen it, but he says it's definitely above average. It's based on a true story about a famous kid living in New York. He gets caught up in the drug game and eventually ends up killing his dealer. There's also a documentary on the same subject that might be more entertaining, but I'm willing to give this movie a try. Sometimes these biopics are really great, but mainly when they have Val Kilmer in them.

P.S. I realized after talking to my co-worker that Seth Green was in Stephen King's It. That movie pwns. BEEP BEEP RICHIE.

Place in Netflix queue at press time: Availability date unknown??? WTF?????

Basket Case (1982)

2007-10-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

The tenant in room 7 is very small, very twisted and very mad.

I can't believe I haven't seen Basket Case already. I always used to get a kick out of the VHS cover when I would rent from Hollywood Video back in the day. A co-worker, who is familiar with my taste in movies, just recommended it to me (he was equally surprised that I haven't seen it yet). Apparently the "Basket Case" is a creature that was once attached as a Siamese twin to the brother who still takes care of it. Apparently at some point the basket-freak-thing rapes some girl that carries his seed and spurs on two more films. IMDb lists it as a horror/comedy, which is almost always a plus. I included a found screen shot below that shows what's inside.

Place in Netflix queue at press time: #74

Black Book (2006)

2007-10-01T11:37:00.001-07:00

Paul Verhoeven is a crazy bastard. His long list of credits includes RoboCop, Total Recall, Basic Instinct, Showgirls, and Starship Troopers. In 2006 he released Black Book, aka Zwartboek, about the Netherlands during WWII. I know, I know, WWII has seen its fair share of exposure on film. I don't think I've ever seen a film, though, about the Dutch resistance. Black Book is about a Jewish girl that spies on the regional Gestapo HQ. Knowing that it's a Verhoeven movie, you know it's going to be well polished yet still retain a nice sleaze factor. For example, the guy who told me about it let slip about a scene where a girl gets raw sewage dumped all over her. Apparently it's unforgettable.

Place in Netflix queue at press time: #371

1st Post in 3 Months

2007-10-01T11:04:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a surprise. Just like any personal blog I've ever started, I let this one fall to shit. No more, though. I'm switching up the format and I'm gonna kick it up a notch.

Instead about writing about movies I've seen, I'm gonna write about movies I haven't seen. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm a cinema-fucking-fiend, so people give me lots of recommendations and tell me about a lot of flicks. This blog will be the repository for information on the films I've yet to watch, as much for me as it is for you. Enjoy.

Analog Medium Commercial #1

2007-08-01T16:54:00.000-07:00

I recently completed the first ever Analog Medium commercial. If you know the website, you know it's not going to be a boring 30 seconds. The rest of the staff and I are trying to get it popular, so help us why not? If you're a member of digg.com hit the link below and digg us. It's also really easy to sign up on the site. Otherwise, check out the vid on analogmedium.com and leave us a comment. You might find something you like.

http://digg.com/movies/AnalogMedium_com_Funking_Your_Head_Up

ENCYCLOPEDIA ZOMBICA v2.2

2007-07-25T20:42:00.001-07:00

The latest version of THE ENCYCLOPEDIA ZOMBICA is now available on A.M.

SLUSHO??? (1-18-08 Teaser Trailer)

2007-07-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

I love getting involved in internet hysteria. It always seems like I'm one step behind the masses, though. Just like the spicy case of collective crazy I found today at work. I was on my way to talk some shit on yelp.com when I found out about the 1-18-08 phenomenon.

There is a movie slated to be released on 1-18-08 that has a teaser trailer, but NO TITLE! It's not that the guys who made it forgot to put one on the thing. It's a deliberate ploy to start an online buzz storm (and it's working like a charm).

Before you read on, check out the trailer on apple.com

Or, if you hate apple as much as Mark Rogers does, check it out on DEATH BY VIDEO

So, intrigued yet? I am. I normally don't enjoy blending CG with live action footage, but this trailer is particularly effective at doing so. The voyeuristic home-video quality really helps mask what is real and what is a digitally rendered head of the Statue of Liberty. But what the hell is the movie?

If you think you are savvy enough to crack this walnut, think again. I spent a couple hours today looking into it, and I wasn't the only one. There are already hundreds, if not a couple thousand sites out there dealing with this. They range from obsessive fanatics to cynical losers who like to harp on other people's obsessions. Not only that, but try typing 11808 into the youtube search field and see what you get. Crazy.

There's never easy answers in life, though. Right? I had hella fun looking through everyone's wild speculation and theory. What is the monster that is so expertly implied? The easy answer would be Godzilla. But, like I said, there are no easy answers. I highly doubt they would go through this much trouble just to promote another crappy Godzilla movie. If you want to skip the investigative process and learn from a nerd who has way more time on his hands than you, check out this clip from youtube. This nut job seems to be some kind of authority on the subject.

I have a couple favorites out of the theory pool:
Cthulhu - The mythical demon spawned from the imagination of H.P. Lovecraft
Voltron - Fuck the Power Rangers, Voltron was the shit!
Tom Cruise - You thought Mi3 was scary.....

But none of these theories are very likely. Someone interpreted a line of dialogue from the trailer as saying "It's a lion", which might support the Voltron theory. But, I'm pretty sure the frantic screams actually translate to "It's alive" (which is no help).

Perhaps the least helpful site of all is the only official site for the movie out there, 1-18-08.com.

So, what have you learned from this article? Probably nothing. But now you know where to start. Even if it turns out to be fucking Barney, you know this movie is going to have to deliver the goods at some point. If you know any nerds out there, try to keep them calm. It's still half a year from hitting theatres.

The Request Lines Are Now Open

2007-07-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

Sup y'all. This is Howling Mad Murphy, I mean, the Silver Screen Kid, kickin it to you live. Anyone out there, I mean anyone, have any suggestions, preferences, or desire to see any particular movie reviewed by the Kid himself? I'm open to review anything anyone suggests. I don't even have to have heard of the movie before. I'm always open to new things and I love to write. Drop me a line here, or at Analog Medium, and I'll hit you back as soon as possible with a fat review. Peace 4 now.

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-07-19T10:11:00.000-07:00

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-07-19T10:09:00.000-07:00

Heathers (1989)

Big List of Zombie Porn v1.0

2007-07-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

I'm starting a new pet project, in conjunction with my on going mission to review every zombie movie ever made. I'm starting the Big List of Zombie Porn. I want all two of my readers to help out. I just jotted down the first ones that came to mind. You can find the list on Phantom Spaceman (link below).

PHANTOM SPACEMAN - Home of "Big List o' Zombie Porn"

Zombies Kick Ass

2007-07-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

That's right, folks. You heard it here first. Zombies kick ass. Major ass.

Stay tuned for more updates on this late breaking situation.

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-07-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972)

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-07-09T09:35:00.000-07:00

Ghostbreakers (1940)

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-07-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Terror Creatures From The Grave (1965)

check out the trailer

Bad Taste Trailer

2007-07-02T11:28:00.000-07:00

Way before he made LOTR or King Kong, Peter Jackson labored on this brilliant little film. Even back then you could tell he was going places.

Terror Creatures From The Grave

2007-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-06-29T09:42:00.001-07:00

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974)

Don't Open The Window

2007-06-28T15:41:00.000-07:00

I just watched this movie last night. It was hardcore, to say the least.

Paprika

2007-06-27T20:41:00.000-07:00

This is currently number 1 on my list of movies I need to watch. I'm downloading it as we speak. Check out the trailer (it doesn't really explain much).

For more info on the movie, check out the wikipedia page

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-06-26T19:59:00.001-07:00

Dead Heat (1988)

Eat Shit and Die Hard

2007-06-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

This is the sequel they never wanted you to know about. Luckily, myself and Analog Medium have made this available to the world. Enjoy.

Room Available

2007-06-21T23:29:00.000-07:00

Trailer For Ding Dong Death

2007-06-21T23:22:00.000-07:00

Ding Dong Death

2007-06-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

Teh Film Theory Zombie

2007-06-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-06-21T23:08:00.001-07:00

King of the Zombies (1941)

Big Ups

2007-06-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

I try to support the blog community as much as I possibly can. It's mostly bloggers who have contributed to the success of Analog Medium. I like to give as much back as possible.

There are many amazingly awesome blogs out there, many dealing with movies. Two of my favorites are honored Analog Medium link buddies. Check these pages out. You might learn something.

CineRobot

Midnight Maze Cafe

2 Best Movies... EVER

2007-06-19T17:54:00.000-07:00

Ghostbusters (1984) / Transformers: The Movie (1986)

There you have it folks. Take it as fact, take it as opinion, it doesn't change the greatness of these two movies. When I was a kid I used to watch Ghostbusters multiple times in a row while playing with my Optimus Prime action figure. Not a lot has changed since then. Not only do both these movies appeal to all ages, they've appealed to me at every age. I've seen each of them hundreds of times and I still go back for me. Call me a nerd if you must. You still gotta admit that both these movies pwn.

Check out my old(er) review for Transformers on Analog Medium
Transformers: The Movie (1986)

New SSK Review on A.M.

2007-06-19T17:48:00.001-07:00

Lone Wolf and Cub (1972-1974)

The Funky Socks Collection

2007-06-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

Music kicks ass. Almost as much as movies. That's why I love pandora.com. Pandora is currently my favorite source of musical wonderment. Check out the station I programmed:

The Funky Socks Collection

It's a little bit of everything, but mostly it just rocks your damn socks off.

Recipe For Disaster: What NOT To Do When Filming A Movie

2007-06-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

Most great movies leave the viewer with the impression that the elements involved in making it effortlessly coalesced into a masterpiece. However, if you do any research into the making of these great movies, you find out making a movie is retardedly difficult. No wonder the people who make them are so fucking crazy. If you ever wanted to make one yourself, it always helps to learn from those who came before you. Some of these things might sound stupid at first, but they’ll make sense when the grip truck on your shoot overheats and catches a field on fire.

#1) Don’t start any fires, stupid. Literal or otherwise.

#2) Don’t invite forty people to your house and once they arrive tell em they can’t smoke.

#3) Don’t wake people up at 5 AM without having coffee ready first.

#4) Don’t forget to put beer in the budget.

#5) Don’t ask anyone, no matter their job title, to clean the porta-potties by hand.

There’s so much they don’t teach you in film school. Knowing is half the battle.

The Silver Screen Kid

2007-06-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

Recently I, The Kid, had a life altering experience. I worked for five days as “second assistant director” on a film shoot budgeted at $30,000. My life-long dream is to become a well-respected filmmaker, and this was a huge step in the right direction. The experience as a whole was bittersweet, however. I was worked to the point of near-insanity and barely walked away with my life (I’m exaggerating of course). One of the worst hardships I faced was being away from the Internet for five days straight. Never again!!!1

More than just the Internet, I missed Analog Medium. I get a wonderful sense of accomplishment, and even a sense of purpose, from my work on AM. I hate to think that anyone out there stopped reading AM due to my absence. That scary thought prompted Mark Rogers to convince me to start my own blog. And the rest is history.

This blog will never be as cool as Analog Medium. I’ll never try to compete; Analog Medium is a beast unto its own. This SSK blog will merely be a bloodstained window into the depths of my inner-anarchy. If you like what I write, enjoy. If not, tell me. I want to know. (Other posts will be a lot funnier than this one, by the way).

Welcome to the new Silver Screen Kid Blog

2007-05-10T01:27:00.000-07:00

Booyah
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