The Silver Screen Kid

Remake Alert! - Poltergeist (2011)

2009-06-03T17:42:00.000-07:00

No stars attached, no final script, nothing considered remotely solid to report on... but there you have it. You better believe Poltergeist (1982) is getting remade - most likely into a shitty CG cookie cutter of a haunted house movie. The original is one of my all time favs. It's the kind of movie that has horror movie charm oozing out of every orifice. It's a perfect example of the remake epidemic - a classic that will most likely sell well repackaged for the modern market. But at what cost??? Sully the franchises name in hopes of a quick buck? Do your thang Hollywood! Do your thang.

Check out the script review for an outdated version of the script on Latino Reviews (WTF? why?)

More 3-D Horror!

2009-06-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

I love 3-D movies... I especially love 3-D horror. Japanese 3-D horror??? Can't say I've ever seen one. Could be fuckin rad!!!

Taken from Screen Daily:

Asmik Ace Entertainment has unveiled details of Japan’s first live-action digital 3D feature, The Shock Labyrinth, which The Grudge director Takashi Shimizu started shooting earlier this week.

Based on an original screenplay by Daisuke Hosaka, the horror-thriller follows a group of teenagers dealing with the sudden return of a friend who went missing a decade ago. When the friend falls ill, they take her to a hospital but end up trapped in a labyrinthine haunted house.

The film’s central setting is inspired by the Labyrinth of Horrors attraction at Fuji-Q High Land amusement park, near the base of Mount Fuji. The attraction set the Guinness world record for the largest haunted house in the world. Much of the film is being shot on location during the park’s off hours.

A 3-D, Japanese horror movie filmed in a haunted house? I'll prepare my brain for meltdown. Can't wait!

Remake Alert! - Jekyll and Hyde (2010)

2009-05-18T14:54:00.000-07:00

Watch out! 50 Cent is about to take the horror remake world by storm! He's bringing the same talent and craftsmanship (sarcasm implied) that he brings to his to his music to the big screen. Forrest Whittaker is also attached to the project, due in 2010. How do I know this remake is going to blow goats? I read between the lines:

"Director Abel Ferrara is taking another walk on the wild side with a re-imagining of Robert Louis Stevenson’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, which will be contemporized and titled Jekyll and Hyde. Forest Whitaker and Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson are attached to play the lead roles in the classic tale about a doctor who invents a potion that unleashes his violent alter ego." (Variety)

"Contemporized" is never a good word to describe a remake. Usually it means they include scenes with cell phones and email. In this case, I imagine they'll transpose the story to an "urban" setting - aka The Ghetto. In any case, I can't imagine 50 Cent offering up even a fraction of the physical expressiveness necessary to pull off the switch between personalities integral to the plot. And who's going to play which part, I wonder? 50 Cent as a mad scientist??? Doubtful. They'll probably make him Hyde. Either way it's gonna blow goats. Trust me, I know these things. I'm from the internet.

The Wild, Ridiculous World of 3D

2009-04-29T17:36:00.000-07:00

I LOVE 3-D! I'm fairly certain I've mentioned that in the past. Seeing as I haven't posted to this blog in half a year, though, I thought it was worth mentioning again. The current 3-D craze in movie theaters is already reaching a fever pitch. Everyone seems to be getting in on the action. That means there's some beautiful examples of 3-D being made these days - as well as some utter shite. And every ridiculous iteration in between. I compiled a short list of the most ridiculous sounding 3-D movies headed for theater and video. (And I mean ridiculous - even worse than Night of the Living Dead 3-D!)

Bait - In a sleepy coastal resort community, shoppers at an underground supermarket find themselves terrorized by a crazed bandit when the unimaginable occurs… A monstrous freak tsunami swallows the town. Now trapped inside a flooded supermarket with an armed maniac and rushing water threatening to entomb them all in a watery grave, the imprisoned band of survivors discover they’re not alone. The tsunami has brought some unwanted visitors from the depths. As the waters rise they must overcome not only the threat of drowning, but another threat, just as deadly and far more bloodthirsty… Packs of hungry tiger sharks.
pulled from Twitch

Humpty Dumpty - When an female alien is, ahem, "abused" by two rednecks, she gives birth to a human-creature hybrid that goes on a killing spree in Humpy Dumpty.
pulled from Shock Till You Drop

Piranha 3-D - They’re back! Every year the population of sleepy Lake Havasu explodes from 5,000 to 50,000 for a single, wild weekend - the 4th of July, a riot of sun, drunken fun and sex-crazed mayhem. But this year, there's something more to worry about than hangovers and complaints from local old timers. Havasu sits in the crater formed by a prehistoric volcanic eruption, and when earth tremors tear open a crack in the lake floor, all hell breaks through. Piranhas - a million ravenous, razor-toothed monsters, unchanged since the dawn of time. Unstoppable killing machines acting blindly under one primeval impulse: to hunt down anything that moves and strip it to the raw, bleeding bone. In seconds.
pulled from Bloody Disgusting (nothing interesting behind this link)
Be an extra in Piranha 3-D!

Packs of hungry tiger sharks terrorizing a supermarket? 3-D alien rape? A remake of Piranha directed by Alexandre Aja? Endless fun can be had at the expense of these movies. Join me in a laugh. A hefty 3-D belly laugh.

FUCK A DAY JOB!

2008-12-15T13:22:00.001-08:00

I should be writing...

Remake Alert!: Fuck Remakes. Boycott!

2008-08-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

When I started writing about remakes on this blog I held a complicated opinion regarding the recent trend of Hollywood remakes. To put it simply - I was on the fence. I could appreciate some remakes, I've enjoyed some, not enjoyed others, and some are just insulting. Now, more than ever, it seems there isn't a single working filmmaker who would be opposed to a big budget remake.

My opinion was recently simplified by reading an editorial piece on CineRobot, a blog I've enjoyed for quite some time now. Replicant, the cyber-brain behind the scenes at CineRobot, wrote an article deriding the upcoming movie Death Race. It just so happens I had already written two articles to that same effect. Death Race is, of course, a remake of Death Race 2000. The comparison between the names alone leaves much to be desired from the remake. Some executive said to himself: "How can we make our worthless piece-of-shit movie sound like a watered-down rehash of a classic campy sci-fi murder romp? Let's take 2000 out of the title. That'll really give them less to be excited about."

The original already took place in an alternate timeline!!! Why didn't they just stick with that? Why not go the route of "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...."??? Dumb asses.

Here's a sample of the insight that finally pushed me over the edge: [from CineRobot]

Remakes have always been apart of Hollywood history but there is a big difference in remaking a film from the 1970s now versus when a film from the 1930s was remade in the 1950s or 1960s. Now, we can all rent the original films on DVD anytime we want, unlike audiences in the past who had to rise up off the couch and venture down to the single screen theatre to see whatever they wanted to see. Those were the days pre-IMDB, pre-video store, pre-Netflix, pre-video on demand, pre-dozens of movie channels on your TV. Remakes in that era made perfect sense because every twenty five years or so audiences were completely recycled for stories.

Too true! I have endless swathes of information at my fingertips all the time. There is no excuse anymore for not knowing that a movie is a remake. There is no excuse for trying to market such a movie as anything but a remake. There is no excuse for the complete lack of originality on display in Hollywood today.

Please join CineRobot and myself in saying....

FUCK REMAKES. BOYCOTT!

Fuck you Hollywood. Come and get me.

The Wasp Woman (1959) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T17:30:00.000-07:00

To read the full version on Analog Medium, click here.

... There must have been a lot of groans when The Wasp Woman was completed in 1959, especially since it followed closely on the heels of The Fly, from 1958. ... Looking back on The Wasp Woman, there is endless entertainment to be had. ... More than any of that, while watching The Wasp Woman I was struck by the fundamental difference between the standard cash-generating flicks made today and what Roger Corman and his team (including Jack Hill, who directed the prologue) were doing back then. ... The Wasp Woman has more story to it than 90% of the films made today. ... I'm not saying that The Wasp Woman is necessarily a better movie than the low budget crap that gets spit out today. I just felt a lot less insulted by it.

The Bird Cage (1972) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T17:27:00.000-07:00

To read the full version on Analog Medium, click here.

The Big Bird Cage is a lovely movie all around. ... The Big Bird Cage is a damn entertaining movie. ... The action starts quick in The Big Bird Cage. ... Basically, The Big Bird Cage hits like you wanna be hit, and doesn't bullshit.

The Big Doll House (1971) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

To read the full version on Analog Medium, click here.

... Before Caged Heat, before Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS, there was The Big Doll House. ... So why does The Big Doll House, and its sequel The Big Bird Cage, pwn the competition so fiercely? ... Even people who haven't seen [Pam Grier's] movies (The Big Doll House was the first) are well acquainted with her style, her ethos, her attitude. ... The Big Doll House gives you more than what you want, from the first drum roll for the bad ass theme song sung by Pam Grier to the last explosion. ... And what I really love about The Big Doll House (and its sequel) is that it rewards you for watching to the end. ... I don't want to give the end of The Big Doll House away, I'll just give a hint: one girl, two machine guns. ...

Fear Chamber (1968) Review: The Brief Version

2008-08-17T16:59:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

... This isn't the preferred method for making a coherent movie, whether horror, sci-fi, or otherwise, but it was the method employed for Fear Chamber. Jack Hill was hired to direct Fear Chamber, along with 3 other films that would end up being some of the last on screen appearances of Boris Karloff. ... Really, though, I'm glad Fear Chamber was eventually finished, even though the end result sometimes feels like it was edited with a butcher knife. ... The whole film is undoubtedly grimy, but it's certainly worth the watch for anyone who appreciates unique concepts in horror and science-fiction, especially when the two intersect. ...

I love 3-D!

2008-08-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

Every so often I hear more news about the impending explosion of 3-D movies. I friggin love 3-D movies. You have to submit yourself to the experience, rather than passively contemplating the flashing images on the screen. I wrote about the return of the 3-D a while ago. Here's more news from comingsoon.net

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"While 3-D movies have been around for quite some time, Katzenberg thinks the innovative films will dominate the theaters and his team is actively going to ensure that happens.

"Just to put into context for you how big I think it is for us and for the business as a whole, I think to date there have been two great revolutions in movies. When we went to silent films to talkies and the second is when we went from black and white to color. I actually think this is as big and I think it will be as prevalent and as impactful. In some short period of time, meaning while we're all still around, movies will be in 3-D. Not some movies, movie theater experience will be a 3-D experience," he said.

The DreamWorks Animation CEO told us the studio has made an alliance with Intel and will capitalize on their industry-leading products to roll out Ultimate 3-D (animated films in 3-D from start to finish) features with Monsters vs. Aliens being their first project to hit theatres on March 27."

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[Read the full article]

Remake Alert! - Suspiria

2008-08-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

Status of the Suspiria remake: script is done, looking for financing

Check out Dario Argento on Analog Medium

Suspiria (1977) is too epic to put into words. Dario Argento is best at the visual, the pacing, the nuance - all the stuff you can't help but see to experience. The remake will most likely be a steaming pile of dog shit. Interestingly enough, the director of Pineapple Express is attached to the project, so who knows. At least the guy understands stoners are funny.

Read the article on shocktillyoudrop

Natalie Portman is "attached" to star in the remake.

P.S. - I can't believe I haven't reviewed the original for AM!!!! I need to get on that.

Remake Alert! - The Last House on the Left (2009) and The People Under the Stairs

2008-08-11T18:43:00.000-07:00

Status for The Last House on the Left: In Post-Production! Footage available online!

Status for The People Under the Stairs: Might happen, might not

So, the screenshot above belongs to the remake of The Last House on the Left. LHL was Wes Craven's first and most brutally savage movie. Now he's hopped on the trend of selling his cinematic accomplishments to the highest bidder. Se la vie, I'm not really complaining. I'd do it too, if I had ever made a movie and anyone ever wanted to remake it. LHL has been a long time coming, apparently, but I just found out about it. It's coming out sometime next year. Still no real plans for remaking The People Under the Stairs, but Craven sure wants it to happen.

Read the article on shocktillyoudrop.com

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-08-10T16:03:00.001-07:00

My Name is Bruce will be friggin hilarious!

New Rob Zombie T-Rex Art

Werewolf Women of the SS Comic Book

Scream 4? Maybe, maybe not.

Thundercats Movie! I would love that shit.

Remake Alert! - Red Dawn

2008-08-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

Status: Script is in the works

Red Dawn (1984) is a delightfully savage movie. That sucker doesn't pull any punches. You don't need me to tell you about the original, though. It's a complete classic by now. Go Wolverines!

I have to say, I don't support the decision to remake it, but it's strangely appropriate for this day in age. People are constantly acting like Al Qaeda shock troops will suddenly start raining from the sky while they're on the way to work. We've still got our eye on you too, Cuba!

Read a (very) short article on the Red Dawn remake on comingsoon.net

ANALOG MEDIUM: Jack Hill Interview

2008-08-04T20:59:00.000-07:00

I interviewed Jack Hill for Analog Medium. The conversation will go down in history as the greatest thing ever posted on the internet. Don't believe me? Go read it!

Jack Hill Interview on ANALOG MEDIUM

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-08-02T16:17:00.000-07:00

(Worth1000.com | Photoshop Contests | Are you Worthy™ | hidden)

TRAILER: Outlander looks like it could be pretty sweet. [via Blogs are for Wusses]

TRAILER: I'm trying not to get too excited about this movie, but the Watchmen may just pwn. [via Blogs are for Wusses]

$30,000 to $50,000 for the hover board from Back to the Future. [via Fanboy.com]

Ninja Assassin. Need I say more. Oh yeah, the movie stars Rain, Stephen Colbert's arch nemesis. [via Chud.com]

I can't wait for Where the Wild Things Are. [via Chud.com]

Last Blood sounds like it has a cool concept, but the movie could easily suck. The guy who wrote this article is a serious zombie hater, though. At least he links to the comic book. [via Chud.com]

Drag Me To Hell is Saim Raimi's new horror movie. I can't fuckin' wait. [via Chud.com]

Remake Alert! - Red Sonja (2009)

2008-07-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

What a weird movie to remake! Red Sonja remake is slated for 2009. The original occupied a weird-enough space in cinema history - the remake is even more extruded. I always wondered exactly what the deal was with the original Red Sonja (1985). Was it a sequel??? Was Conan a trilogy? Here's what wikipedia has to say about that:

"In Conan the Barbarian, Sandahl Bergman played Valeria, a thief and the love of Conan’s life. Bergman was offered the role of Red Sonja, but turned it down, choosing instead to play the villainous Queen Gedren. It took Dino De Laurentiis almost a year to find an actress "Amazonian" enough to play the title character; in fact, he was still looking eight weeks before the production was due to start, when he saw Brigitte Nielsen on the cover of a fashion magazine. The 21-year-old native of Helsingør, Denmark, who was in Milan on a modeling job, soon found herself on a plane heading for Rome and a successful screen test.

Schwarzenegger had great success in the two Conan movies, but his next film, James Cameron’s The Terminator, was a real breakthrough. When De Laurentiis approached Schwarzenegger and asked him to appear in an extended cameo and take second billing in Red Sonja, the actor agreed out of a feeling of obligation. He worked on the movie for only three weeks, and was very unhappy with De Laurentiis when he discovered he had been given top billing for what was essentially a supporting role."

Now Rose McGowan will be playing the title role. Brigitte Nielsen made the original work - just like she makes Flava Flav work to get laid. I doubt Rose McGowan will be able to sell the whole Amazonian thing.

I can totally picture what Robert Rodriguez was thinking when he decided to make this movie: "Remakes are the hot new thing... I've got to jump on this bandwagon! But I still have to maintain my image as a Hollywood outsider... what movie would make NO SENSE to remake? I know! Red Sonja!"

P.S. Did you know Red Sonja started as a comic book character? So, this is both a remake and a comic book movie... way to be original Rodriguez.

Read the coverage of the Red Sonja remake on comingsoon.net

Remake Alert! - Friday the 13th (2009)

2008-07-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

You've probably already heard about this one... Friday the 13th remake is slated for February 13 (a Friday!), 2009. I say you've probably heard of it, because New Line is promoting the shit out of it. Which I guess I am now a part of. Let's see..... Jason X was the tenth movie, Freddy vs. Jason was the eleventh... this is now the TWELFTH fuckin movie that Jason has starred in since the original was made in 1980. Get this guy a star on the Hollywood walk of fame!

Shocktillyoudrop.com's coverage of the remake at SDCC 08

Remake Alert! - RETRACTION - Spider Baby (????)

2008-07-28T19:55:00.000-07:00

So, I've come to find out through various means that most of the facts listed in my remake alert for Spider Baby are completely untrue. THE REMAKE IS STILL HAPPENING. I just got some of the facts wrong. I guess I shouldn't trust Fangoria.com?

Sid Haig did not facilitate the Spider Baby remake, and has nothing to do with it.
Jack Hill will not be starring in the film. (I got this info from the man himself) But he is in The Kiss, a new vampire movie....

Spider Baby (1964) Review: The Brief Version

2008-07-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

To read the full review on Analog Medium, click here.

Spider Baby is genuinely savage. The Maddest Story Ever Told (as it was once renamed) is nearly just that. ... It's a story is told in the xenophobic tradition of Freaks and clearly influenced by Psycho, but there is a whole different beast on display in Spider Baby. ... At the same time, the whole film is laced with a strain of self-conscious comedy. ... Jack Hill, the writer and director, was the original post-modern horror filmmaker. ...

Remake Alert! - Rocky Horror Picture Show (2009)

2008-07-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

Great Scott! Rocky Horror Picture Show remake??? That'll probably be stupid. How can you compete with Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, or that freak that played Riff Raff. The original is classic. Shocktillyoudrop.com said it was inevitable, but I wouldn't have expected it. How can they expect the fans to cross over? I doubt many people will be into acting out scenes in leather lingerie in front of audiences at a remake. We will see.

[Read the article]

Remake Alert! - Spider Baby (????)

2008-07-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

Spider Baby Remake: Slated for 2008-ish?

Holy crap! I had just posted the first Remake Alert, I had just sat down to write an Analog Medium review for Spider Baby (1964), and lo and behold - what do I find? Spider Baby will also be remade. My gut reaction is to say it's a bad idea. The original is so unique and charming I wouldn't think they can pull it off. But then I found out it was Jack Hill's idea to begin with, it was facilitated by Sid Haig, and Jack Hill will replace Lon Chaney, Jr. in the cast. I wouldn't believe anyone else for the role of Bruno, but the original writer/director somehow feels like an appropriate choice. I can't wait to see what happens.

Check out Spider Baby (1964) on Analog Medium

INFORMATION IN THIS ARTICLE IS INCORRECT - CHECK THE RETRACTION

Mid-Day Multi-Feature Preview Show

2008-07-20T20:02:00.000-07:00

[Pic from El Blog Ausente]

Viva la Grindhouse! Everyone should know more about low budgets Italian movies.

Hell Ride looks like a pretty cool Tarantino-esque adventure. (Presented by Tarantino, naturally)

Keanu Reeves plays Klaatu in the remake of The Day Earth Stood Still. It should have been Bruce Campbell!!!

Speaking of Bruce Campbell... what's up with another Evil Dead movie? All I hear is talk.

Who knew David Lynch appreciated the creative input of others? David Lynch explains the value of mediation.

Remake Alert! - Robocop (2010)

2008-07-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

Love em or hate em, remakes have become a mainstay of the modern Hollywood repertoire (along with sequels to dead franchises and graphic novel adaptations). I'm going to make it my mission to pass the remake news along to you (just like a hundred other people on the net are doing).

Robocop Remake: Slated for 2010

I didn't know about this doozy until today. MGM has announced it will remake Robocop - the 1987 sci-fi / action classic directed by Paul Verhoeven. Robocop has been a part of my life since I was 2 years old. That original movie should have never been shown to kids, but it was, and I'm very thankful. I wouldn't be the man I am today if I hadn't seen that lovable cyborg enforcer blow shit up and kill people when I was so young. Don't fuck it up, guys!